How should you organise a vinyl record collection?

C

Cass

So. How do you organise your records?

N

Neil

Alphabetically.

C

Cass

Of course you do.

N

Neil

What does that mean?

C

Cass

It means I asked a question and somehow already knew your answer.

N

Neil

Because it's the correct answer.

C

Cass

There it is.

N

Neil

Artist A to Z. Then albums in release order. Simple. Predictable. You want Bowie, you go to B.

C

Cass

B?

N

Neil

Bowie.

C

Cass

David Bowie.

N

Neil

Yes.

C

Cass

So why isn't he under D?

N

Neil

Because I'm not a lunatic.

C

Cass

We're thirty seconds in and the flawless system already needs rules.

N

Neil

Every system needs rules.

C

Cass

Mine doesn't.

N

Neil

That's because “roughly over there somewhere” isn't a system.

C

Cass

I prefer “organic”.

N

Neil

You found Portishead beside Fleetwood Mac last week.

C

Cass

It was a mood.

N

Neil

It was a cry for help.

C

Cass

Fine. Sell me alphabetical.

N

Neil

Gladly. I know what I want, I know where it lives. A good A-to-Z system turns a shelf into something you can actually browse. Especially once the collection gets bigger.

C

Cass

How big?

N

Neil

Big enough that “I'll remember where I put it” stops being remotely believable.

C

Cass

Fair.

N

Neil

And you don't have to go completely overboard. If you've got a smaller collection, broad alphabetical sections are enough.

C

Cass

Ah. We have entered the divider portion of today's programme.

N

Neil

You asked.

C

Cass

Proceed, salesperson.

N

Neil

GrooveGrids has a condensed A-to-Z set. Letters are grouped together, so instead of twenty-six separate alphabet sections you've got broad signposts across the collection.

C

Cass

So less “national archive”, more “I can find the record before the kettle boils”.

N

Neil

Exactly.

C

Cass

I'm slightly annoyed that's sensible.

N

Neil

Then there's the Medium set.

C

Cass

How medium is medium?

N

Neil

Twenty-one dividers. Most letters get their own section, but E, F and G share one; O, P and Q share one; and X, Y and Z share one. Plus the number section.

C

Cass

So the alphabet, edited for pacing.

N

Neil

The useful middle ground.

C

Cass

And then I assume there's the Neil edition.

N

Neil

Twenty-seven pieces. A through Z, plus the number divider.

C

Cass

Maximum alphabet.

N

Neil

Correct.

C

Cass

Every letter gets its own territory.

N

Neil

As nature intended.

C

Cass

Nature absolutely did not invent record dividers.

N

Neil

You can't prove that.

C

Cass

Right. Here's my problem. I don't walk into the room thinking, “Tonight feels like the letter M.”

N

Neil

Nobody does.

C

Cass

Exactly. Sometimes I want jazz. Sometimes soul. Sometimes something electronic. Sometimes I want music that sounds like it's raining outside even when it isn't.

N

Neil

That's worryingly specific.

C

Cass

That's how people actually choose music.

N

Neil

And that's where genre sections make sense.

C

Cass

Thank you.

N

Neil

Until they don't.

C

Cass

Here we go.

N

Neil

Where are you putting Bowie?

C

Cass

Rock.

N

Neil

Which Bowie?

C

Cass

Bowie Bowie.

N

Neil

Very robust classification system.

C

Cass

Fine. Glam.

N

Neil

What about the Berlin records?

C

Cass

Art rock.

N

Neil

So Bowie lives in three places.

C

Cass

Maybe Bowie deserves three places.

N

Neil

That is the first sensible thing you've said.

C

Cass

Hang on. You've just accidentally made my argument.

N

Neil

I don't think I have.

C

Cass

Genre dividers don't have to replace alphabetical organisation. You could have Jazz, Soul, Soundtracks, Electronic, or whatever actually matters to your collection, and then organise alphabetically inside those sections.

N

Neil

I... don't hate that.

C

Cass

Write down the date.

N

Neil

The difficulty is always the edge cases.

C

Cass

The edge cases are half the fun.

N

Neil

No. The records are the fun. Edge cases are administration.

C

Cass

And yet you're smiling.

N

Neil

Moving on.

C

Cass

What about decades?

N

Neil

Interesting.

C

Cass

See? Sixties. Seventies. Eighties. Nineties. You can physically browse through time.

N

Neil

Until an artist has a career spanning forty years.

C

Cass

That's allowed.

N

Neil

So Fleetwood Mac gets dismantled across the room?

C

Cass

Maybe.

N

Neil

Unacceptable.

C

Cass

Why?

N

Neil

Because if I've got ten Fleetwood Mac records, I want the Fleetwood Mac records together.

C

Cass

You've become emotionally attached to adjacency.

N

Neil

I like albums by the same artist being near one another. Is that a crime?

C

Cass

Not yet.

N

Neil

Decades are brilliant if the period matters to you. Maybe you've got a strong seventies collection. Maybe nineties dance music is its own thing on your shelves. That's where custom decade dividers make loads of sense.

C

Cass

Look at you embracing nuance.

N

Neil

I'm capable of nuance.

C

Cass

You alphabetise your spices.

N

Neil

That is unrelated.

C

Cass

It's really not.

N

Neil

There's another problem.

C

Cass

Artists.

N

Neil

Exactly.

C

Cass

Because some of them become collections inside the collection.

N

Neil

Yes. Two Prince records? Fine. They live under P. Thirty Prince records? Suddenly P is no longer a section. It's a borough.

C

Cass

Bowie gets planning permission.

N

Neil

Bowie gets infrastructure.

C

Cass

Beatles?

N

Neil

Dedicated divider.

C

Cass

Solo Beatles?

N

Neil

Now you're deliberately trying to ruin my morning.

C

Cass

Elvis?

N

Neil

Definitely his own section if you've got enough.

C

Cass

And there it is.

N

Neil

What?

C

Cass

We agree.

N

Neil

Steady.

C

Cass

You started with “Alphabetical is the correct answer.”

N

Neil

It is an excellent answer.

C

Cass

And now you've got alphabetical sections, genre sections, decades and dedicated artists.

N

Neil

That's different.

C

Cass

How?

N

Neil

Because it's structured.

C

Cass

It's a hybrid.

N

Neil

It's a structured hybrid.

C

Cass

That's just a hybrid wearing glasses.

N

Neil

I hate how pleased you look.

C

Cass

Think about it. A-to-Z across most of the collection. Then maybe Jazz and Soundtracks get their own sections. Your favourite artists get dedicated dividers. Maybe decades matter somewhere else.

N

Neil

And alphabetise inside those sections.

C

Cass

If you want.

N

Neil

Obviously I want.

C

Cass

And someone else might do genres first, then artists.

N

Neil

Yes.

C

Cass

Someone might have a seventies section and then alphabetical inside that.

N

Neil

Also yes.

C

Cass

Someone else might just use artist dividers for the big collections and leave everything else loose.

N

Neil

I was with you until “loose”.

C

Cass

Neil.

N

Neil

Fine. Yes.

C

Cass

So there isn't one correct way.

N

Neil

I wouldn't phrase it quite...

C

Cass

There isn't one correct way.

N

Neil

There are several acceptable systems.

C

Cass

That's the same sentence wearing a tie.

N

Neil

The point is, the system should fit the collection.

C

Cass

Exactly.

N

Neil

A small collection might only need the condensed A-to-Z set. As it grows, the twenty-one-piece Medium set gives you finer separation. A large collection might suit the full twenty-seven-piece A-to-Z.

C

Cass

Then add genres where genres matter.

N

Neil

Decades where decades matter.

C

Cass

Artists where you've developed what we'll politely call an enthusiasm.

N

Neil

And custom wording for everything in between.

C

Cass

New arrivals.

N

Neil

Soundtracks.

C

Cass

Compilations.

N

Neil

Twelve-inch singles.

C

Cass

Records you bought because the sleeve was nice.

N

Neil

That is not getting a divider.

C

Cass

Coward.

N

Neil

Actually, this is probably the strongest argument for GrooveGrids.

C

Cass

Careful. You're about to sound promotional.

N

Neil

I mean it. You don't have to choose one way and then force the entire collection to obey it.

C

Cass

There we go.

N

Neil

You can start with A-to-Z and add artist dividers. Or use genre sections with alphabetical dividers inside them. Or decades with favourite artists pulled out separately.

C

Cass

Because a filing system doesn't have to be pure.

N

Neil

It just has to work for the person using it.

C

Cass

And that person is allowed to change their mind.

N

Neil

Within reason.

C

Cass

Ignore him.

N

Neil

I'm serious. A collection grows. Tastes change. Five records by an artist become twenty. A little soul section becomes an entire cube.

C

Cass

And suddenly the system that made perfect sense three years ago doesn't quite fit anymore.

N

Neil

Exactly.

C

Cass

So maybe organising a record collection is a bit like building one.

N

Neil

Go on.

C

Cass

Nobody's collection looks exactly like anyone else's. Different artists, different genres, different obsessions, different amounts of money mysteriously disappearing around Record Store Day.

N

Neil

That last one may be universal.

C

Cass

Probably. But the organisation should be personal too.

N

Neil

I agree with that.

C

Cass

Completely?

N

Neil

Don't make this weird.

C

Cass

Neil agrees with me.

N

Neil

I agree with the principle.

C

Cass

Which is?

N

Neil

Your collection. Your system.

C

Cass

A-to-Z?

N

Neil

Absolutely.

C

Cass

Genres?

N

Neil

If that works for you.

C

Cass

Decades?

N

Neil

Yes.

C

Cass

Favourite artists?

N

Neil

Definitely.

C

Cass

All of them together?

N

Neil

...yes.

C

Cass

So we've established that I was right.

N

Neil

We've established that GrooveGrids makes enough different dividers that neither of us has to be.

C

Cass

I'll take it.

N

Neil

And I'm still filing Bowie under B.

C

Cass

Monster.